been almost a year.

almost a year.

It's been almost a year since my life changed forever. i lost myself that day and am just starting to find my way back. while i will never be completely whole i know now i can survive. i will survive. I miss him everyday and not a day goes by that i don't think about him. but it's getting easier to bare. i still cry sometimes. I talk to you all the time, and i know you hear me. I have also realized that i have a lot of good people in my life who have stood by me, stood next to me, and stood for me when i couldn't anymore.

First and foremost. To Colter I will always love you, I will always miss you and my life is better because of you, but because of you I know i can handle anything that comes my way. Thank you for watching over me because I know you are there.

To Nate- for being my strength for filling in as my best friend when your brother couldn't be there anymore. For understanding better then anyone for being next to me when what we needed was each other. for somehow knowing when i needed you the most. you will never truly know how you saved me. I love you!

To Natalie- you've had the hardest year of all i think but thank you for being a great friend. Even when you felt like you weren't trust me you were. I love you and I do not know what I would do without you. Know i am here for you always and we are forever tied together. I couldn't ask for a better person in my life, and while i do not see you as much as i would like you are forever in my heart and always in my thoughts.

To Peggy- Thank you for including me in your family, thank you for being there and letting me be there with you. I love you more then you know and am so grateful for my Dwyer family and don't know what i would have done without you.

To Aja and my Packer Family, i don't know if you will ever understand just how much it means to me to be included in your lives. Thank you for being my ear to talk to, my shoulder to cry on and my house to escape to. Thank you for the small joys you've brought to me this year just by being you.

To all my other friends and family who have stood by me, talked me through things, helped me out and been there for me you will never know how much you mean to me. I know that i can't say it enough and I tell you thank you when you help but again THANK YOU! (lissa, linz, audri, mar) Thank you to all for helping me on my journey to find my way back. I'm not always okay but I know I will be because i have wonderful friends to stand by me and I have discovered who was really there when life got hard and for that I thank you all! you are in my thoughts and in my heart everyday.

I am forever changed but am forever stronger because of it all.

Christmas

I am finally getting into the Christmas spirit and want to remind everyone that Christmas isn't about the gifts you get but the one's you give, it's about the people you love being around and being happy with what life hands you, even when it's hard. I am having a little bit of a difficult time this year with a big piece missing and not having to buy beer as a gift. :) C i misss you every day. The bonus is i get my mar mar for a whole month so maybe i'll at least see her for a few days ;) When my mom told me part of my christmas was marli's plane ride i couldn't think of anything i wanted more. I am so glad to have wonderful people and friends around me this time of year. And even on my weakest days i'm getting stronger. Thank you to all the people that make my life wonderful.

My sister My life at this moment :)

Have the best life right now!!! :) my sister came into surprise everyone for the Thanksgiving holiday... I can not even express what it means... and the fact that i had no idea! "will you pick up cas from the airport friday?" "sure" pull into the airport talking on the phone to Marli and thinking at that exact moment (man i wish she were here, i could use my sister right now) and amazing out pops her little blonde head. couldn't have asked for a better surprise, of course i burst into tears, it felt very surreal. But i get here here for 10 whole days!! can't wait to see what adventures will be in store! :)

Also would just like to say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE when you run into not 1 not 2 but 3 people you used to date and look amazing :) and get compliments from all 3 of them!! best ego boost in the world. (always better then when you run into them and look like trash and think about what you could have looked like ;)) and yes this happened to me this weekend... maybe i need to find new places to hang out Ha Ha Ha

LIFE IS GOOD

so for all the craziness in my life it is still pretty good. i get to spend 5 days in seattle with my girl kelly next week, and while she is worried that we may not be friends after 5 continuous days together i have no worries :) i think we will be too busy having fun to wonder if we're on each others nerves! :) here's to hoping she feels better before we have super fun though. I am looking for a new job but also realizing that i'm lucky to have one so... I have awesome friends that always look after me and i'm thankful for that. I have made some new friends, rediscoverd some old ones and held on to a few but for those in my life i'm grateful :) so my seattle blog will be coming soon so stay tuned :)

congratulations and i love you!

First things first... Congratulations to my parents for makin it 30 years!!! you are amazing!! and such an inspiration! i love you and am so happy for you and thankful for all that you do for me.
The next thing is... i've had a rough week and not sure why. Got in a funk at the begining of the week... got in a I can't muster up the energy to care kind of attitude...That being said I do however realize i have amazing friends and family! and i don't know what i'd do without those of you who have stood by me through everything! the ones i've known for a long time and those that i've known a short time all are a part of my heart! i'm so thankful for all the people that have touched my life and in so many ways...and i couldn't ask for better! :)

people who eat out, or work there...

I will never understand people. Especially those who eat at places where you get good service people to pretty much do all the work for you and you leave them next to nothing... stupid service industry! people do you understand that we make 2.13 an hour, which means that my money comes from you... if i give you shit service then fine tip me accordingly, but when i know that i've served you and served you well because you've told me so... i'm sorry, your compliements don't pay my bills! thanks!

VEGAS BABY!

Vegas BABY!

Had a fun trip to Vegas!! while all in all a pretty mellow trip considering it was Vegas i had a lot of fun!

First night we got there we partied it up danced at clubs, walked the strip, didn't get home till about 2...but when 3 of us girls were awake at 8:30 well...takes the party girl right out of you...but did get some shopping in that day, and...
We ate at Serendipity which was super cool and super fun!!

and while we didn't party it up, did get dressed up and went out to dinner and i couldn't have asked for better girls to go with between the 2 that came with me (Lindsay and Megan)...and meeting up with marli cas and diz, it was just about perfect!

while us older girls couldn't party quite like the younger ones it was still a fun getaway and a trip for the books! :) thanks ladies...
Plus parties are always more fun without boys right off the bat... checkin out the scenery, talking to bachelor parties, handing jello shots to random boys was a lot more fun then if we'd brought boys with us.
and Lindsay for future reference it is NEVER too early to check out the scenery... as long as I've had a cup of coffee first!